America's Vacationland
by CallistoLexx
Summary: The X-Men and Misfits joint vacation doesn’t go as planned as they meet a new girl and one of their own goes missing.
1. Guide to Wonderfalls & Time for a Break

**One more time: I don't own _X-Men: Evolution_ or _G.I. Joe_, they belong to Marvel. But here's something new to add. I don't own _Wonderfalls_, either. That belongs to Walking Bud, Regency, and Fox. Xi, Althea, and the concept of the Misfits belong to the wonderful Red Witch who has been nice enough to allow a lot of people to use her characters. Adam and Carly are mine. Use them if you want to, but please let me know if you're going to because I'd like to see what you have them do.**

**I fell in love with _Wonderfalls_ the first time I saw it, when it premiered on the Twelfth of March. I was instantly struck by how well Jaye would fit in with the X-Evo/Misfits universe. And you know what that means: I had to write it. I'm sure that not everyone here has seen the show (which you really should…it's hilarious!) so before I get to the first chapter, I'll make a little prologue type thing. I will post the bios and other assorted information about the show, all of which I have—in part—taken from the official _Wonderfalls_ site, which can be accessed through the official site for Fox.**

***** 

**A Quick Guide to _Wonderfalls_**

_The Show:_

_Wonderfalls_ is a new one-hour dramedy (a.k.a. Dramatic Comedy) on Fox. It revolves around a twenty-something girl who lives in Niagara Falls, NY, and works at Wonderfalls, a gift shop. One day, after nearly choking to death, inanimate objects start talking to her to more than slightly amusing results. As of March 21 (which is when I began writing and constructing my story outline) only two episodes of the show have aired. So this takes place after episode two: "Karma Chameleon." 

_The Characters (just the ones I know will make an appearance):_

Jaye Tyler: A pathological narcissist. Attractive, spirited, a troublemaker with the potential to be a real human being (though she'll go kicking and screaming), Jaye made a high school vow to "end up over-educated and unemployable". She succeeded. Her philosophy degree from Brown lands her in a kiosk in hometown Niagara Falls selling tacky souvenirs to Tourists. After a small nervous breakdown, Jaye finds herself talking to an inanimate Wax Lion from a vending machine. It has advice for Jaye and refuses to be denied. Jaye is certain she's losing her mind. Over the course of the story Jaye will learn a little humility and compassion and begin to discover that the world around her really is a magical place—the question is does she have to go insane to realize it? 

She is 24-years old and—in her contribution to a blurb in her mother's book—describes herself as a work in progress. She has also compared herself to a pinball—she keeps bouncing off these paddles and flippers trying to get something to happen, she just doesn't know what. 

Eric: Boyishly handsome with just a pinch of dorkiness. Eric was a big-hearted innocent until he found his new bride Heidi in their honeymoon suite mid-coitus with the hotel bellman. He walked across the street into the Barrel Bar, cried for three days, got offered a job and never left. That was six days ago. Now, Eric possesses the seductive calm of a man who has faced his worst fears and come to terms with them. And though shell-shocked and just a bit glib—his eyes are finally open. And they are looking right at Jaye. These two have real chemistry together. But since Eric's wounded and Jaye believes she's going insane, they may have to take it slow. 

In the show, he doesn't yet have a last name (I'm sure that will come in time,) so I'm making one for him. In other words, I'm making him a relative of a set character. Psyche-Out. So in my story, Eric's last name is Rich. I'm just so happy that I _finally_ found a site that had Psyche's real name on it. Kenneth D. Rich, in case anyone else was wondering. BTW, YoJoe.com rocks. 

Mahandra: The eldest daughter of a long line of Niagara locals: Innkeepers, Tour guides, Showmen, Hucksters, Daredevils. Trashy, hip, and fearless, Mahandra was Jaye's high school classmate and remains her fast friend and fellow troublemaker. Mahandra possesses an earthy wisdom and loves Niagara. She never fails to thrill at its beauty and power. She waits tables at the Barrel Bar, a local watering hole, because she loves it here: Niagara is her home. She can't sleep when she's away from the falls—she needs that roar. It's a high and she's addicted. 

Mahandra only has a smallish part in my story, but I thought she should be explained to everyone. 

If I decide to include anyone else from the show—or something else from the show that may strike me—I'll either have you check out the official site or I'll add the bios at the top of the chapter they appear in. But that's all for now, I think, so I'll let you get to the story now. 

***** 

**America's Vacationland**   


**Chapter One: Time for a Break**

"We need to have a little chat," Low Light grumbled as he and the other Misfit adults cornered the adults on the X-Men team. 

"Now what?" Hank asked. 

"I think that we all need a vacation," Roadblock said. "The kids and us…a nice relaxing time away from home." 

"And you're suggesting that we all vacation together?" Logan questioned. "Have you gone insane? Wait, what am I talking about? Of course you have!" 

"Not exactly," Shipwreck said. "You see, we had an idea." 

"I think now would be the time to run away screaming," Ororo groaned. 

"Just hear us out, please," Cover Girl replied. "We all take a vacation together: Misfits and X-Men. I know, it's something we've tried before and hasn't worked out. But this time may be different. We treat the kids as adults. Before we go, we sit them down and tell them that, for the most part, they'll be on their own." 

"Meaning…" 

"We'll book the rooms, assign roommates and travel groups. Then we'll give each kid a certain amount of money. We'll treat them, from that point on, as adults. Psyche-Out suggested that the kids might feel like we don't trust them to be capable adults." 

"Do you really think we should with the way they act?" Shipwreck snickered. 

"Hi there, pot, it's time for you to look in the mirror and notice that the kettle isn't the only thing that's black," Low Light grumbled. 

"Shut up!" the female Joe ordered. "This will be their chance to prove us wrong. Their chance to show us that they can be adults, that they can take care of themselves, and that they can get along. If they get along throughout the whole vacation—or at least the majority of the time—we'll give them more freedom and we won't harp on them about getting along as much as we do. They want to be treated as adults and that's just what we'll do. And, this will also give us a break from their oftentimes childish behavior." 

"I hate to say it," Xavier sighed, "but that may actually work. It's worth a try." 

"So we're agreed?" Roadblock asked. 

"Yes, we are. Where do you propose that we go?" 

"Niagara Falls," Shipwreck said. "The arrangements are already made. We leave in three days." 

"All we have left to do," Cover Girl continued. "Is come up with the room and group assignment and how much money to give each kid. Though we do think that some of the younger kids—like Jamie and the triplets—should stick close to us." 

"Or we snooker someone into being a baby-sitter." 

"I have a bad feeling about all this," Logan groaned. "A really bad feeling." 


	2. Natural Wonder

**This chapter uses dialogue from the pilot episode of _Wonderfalls_. It's just best coming from the episode…I can't explain Niagara better than Jaye did in the episode.**

**Chapter Two: Natural Wonder**

Jaye Tyler looked up as yet another group of tourists entered Wonderfalls Gift Emporium. "Looks like another class fieldtrip," she mumbled to herself as she went back to her magazine. If they needed something they more than likely wouldn't fail to let her know. They always let her know. 

"I still can't believe that they all listened to Psyche-Out," Kitty said. 

"I can't believe that they put you, Lance, and Peter in a group together," Althea groaned. "Someone's gonna die and go to jail. And I don't think Lance would like jail." 

"It's not like they put is in the same hotel room!" 

"And that's a good thing," Todd announced. "It's not as if you had to share a room with the two of them bickering all night." 

"It really wasn't that bad," Xi spoke up. Their group consisted of Lance, Peter, Todd, Xi (who were all in one hotel room,) Althea, Kitty, Tabitha, and Adam (who was relegated to the girl's hotel room rather quickly in the planning processes.) 

"I wonder why they chose Niagara Falls," Tabitha said. "What's here other than honeymooners and a very loud waterfall?" 

"I think they wanted to check out the bars," Adam replied. "That and, apparently, Psyche-Out could get good deals on the rooms." 

"What are you looking at?" Kitty asked Lance as she and the others wandered over to where he was standing." 

"You guys have a video?" he asked Jaye as he showed the tape to his girlfriend. 

"Yeah, it's about the legend of the Maid of the Mist," the clerk replied. She sighed and moved out from behind the counter to begin the spiel that she had created and memorized within the first week of her employment. "Niagara Falls—one of the seven natural wonders of the world. America's vacationland and honeymoon capital of the greater Buffalo region." 

"That's the legend?" Peter asked. 

"Are you going to let me talk? I'm getting to that. Ok, so, there was this god who lived in the waterfall, and these Indians were all afraid of him because he kept killing people. They were like 'Hey, how do we get this guy to stop killing everybody?' And someone said, 'Let's give him presents.' So, they gave him all this stuff, and he was still mad, so they figured, well, if he likes killing people so much why don't they just kill some people for him? So the chief volunteers his daughter, 'cause he thinks that's honorable, or something. And they toss Princess in a boat and send her down the river." 

"Native Americans never practiced human sacrifice," Spirit informed her shortly after he entered the shop, being drawn into the legend. 

"Oh for the love of…it's just a legend." 

"Then it's not a very accurate one," Xi commented. 

"Don't interrupt me again. The chief does the whole 'Oh-my-god-what-have-I-done' and paddles his canoe out to save her. But Princess wasn't having any of that. She's all 'No, no, I surrender to destiny.' Famous last words. Seriously. They put it on bathrobes and stuff. Anyway, so then Princess takes the plunge. But it's all good, 'cause the god thought the daughter was hot, so he spared her life. He promised if she stayed in the cave with him, he'd forgive her people, and protect and enchant their land until the end of time. So, she agreed to live with the god in the waterfall and became Maid of the Mist. And thanks to Princess, Niagara has remained an enchanted wonderland despite hundreds of years of commercial development. 

"And, before anyone asks, the chief died and Princess was spared 'cause she was hot." 

"You get asked that a lot?" Todd asked. 

"After a ton of interruptions, yes." 

"'I Surrender to Destiny,'" Lance said looking at the video jacket again. "Isn't that a phrase that some cults use?" 

"Yeah, it is," Jaye replied with a bit of a smirk. "In the eighties, after the promotional committees thought it up and began marketing it, cults began to use it as a way to get people to take the plunge. They were pulling bodies out of the river for weeks. But it was surprisingly good for business." 

"Ew, gross!" Kitty whined. 

"How did you know about the cults?" Tabitha asked Lance. 

"I think there was a special episode of _The System_ on Court TV one night. I was bored and couldn't find the television remote." 

"And you like this guy?" Peter asked Kitty once again. "How can you like this guy?" 

"She likes this guy just fine!" Lance replied. 

"No fighting in the store. You gonna buy that?" Jaye asked in a bored tone of voice. 

"Maybe, I dunno." 

"Well, find me when you're ready to check out," she sighed as she walked back to her magazine. "I hate tourists," she grumbled. 

"Get used to them," the stuffed lizard told her. 

She gave it a dirty look. "I am used to them, that doesn't mean I like them," she hissed. 

"Get used to them," the lizard repeated, its eyes turning to the group of teens and their apparent ringleader. 

"Them? They're tourists, just passing through. Why should I get used to them?" 

"Who are you talking to?" 

Jaye lifted her head to look at the short sandy blonde kid. "No one…myself. Never mind," she replied quickly. It was the first time she'd ever been caught actually talking to the Muses or whatever they were supposed to be called. "You ready to check out?" 

'Wherever we go,' Todd thought as the girl rang up the items, 'we run into odd people. Makes us seem almost normal.' 


	3. Little Monkeys

**Chapter Three: Little Monkeys**

"Quit jumping on the bed," Logan ordered when he heard the creaking of the springs. "Quit jumping on the bed." The springs still didn't stop moving. "Shipwreck! Stop jumping on the bed!" the shorter man yelled. 

"Fine, you didn't have to yell," the sailor huffed as he stopped jumping. 

"Is it just me or are the kids behaving better than the adults?" Spirit asked as he entered the hotel room where the adults were having their nightly meeting. "I just left Peter, Lance, and Kitty and they were all actually getting along. Sure they bickered but they weren't destroying property." 

The adults all turned to Shipwreck as the springs began to creak again. Sure enough, he was, once again, jumping on the bed. 

"Have you forgotten the song about the monkeys that jumped on the bed?" Cover Girl asked. 

"They fell down and broke their heads," Low Light finished. "And so will you if you don't stop jumping right now. I'll make sure of it." 

"Fine. It's just boring without kids to run after," Shipwreck pouted. 

"With you I agree. But at least we aren't Hank, Lifeline, and Bree," Roadblock said with a smile. They had been elected to stay behind with the Triplets, babies, Jamie, and the pets. 

"Either way, I need a beer," Logan griped. 

"I proposed this little exercise not only for the kids but for you all as well. This is a much needed break for you," Psyche-Out said. "And for that reason, I now propose that we go out and get ourselves some drinks." 

"But someone needs to stay behind and look after the kids," Xavier pointed out. "We may be treating them like adults, but we cannot forget that they're still healthy hormonal teenagers." 

"They were just fine last night and they will be again tonight," Ororo replied. "I hate to admit it, but this seems to be working." 

That's when they heard Pietro and Remy's raised voices arguing about what they were going to do for the night. Pietro was voting for games and Remy for the television. 

"Professor," the weather witch began, "if you'd like to stay behind you can. Anyone who wants to can. But I think I'm going to side with Logan and Psyche-Out. Drinks are good." 

"It's Jell-O shooter night at the Barrel Bar," Psyche-Out informed everyone in a singsong tone. "And we may be able to get a round or two on the house. My cousin is a bartender there." 

"Why don't we all play games and watch TV at the same time?" Carly—who was visiting the other members of the group for lack of something better to do—reasoned in a loud voice. "Adam and I used to do that all the time. We were never such big babies about it all!" 

"You know, I believe the kids will be just fine," Xavier said. "And drinks are good." 

"We'll play one game first and then move on to the next! I don't' know how to choose…just flip a coin!" Scott yelled. 

"Drinks are very good." 


	4. Make it a Double

**Chapter Four: Make it a Double**

"Beach Head, may I ask you a question?" Ororo asked the Joe as they entered the Barrel Bar. 

"Depends. What is it?" 

"Why did you bring your teddy bear with you?" 

"That's a good question," Psyche-Out agreed. 

"I just know that if I had left Sgt. Snuffles behind, the kids would do something to him. He's safer with me." 

"Yeah, getting beaten up by drunks is preferable to a few harmless pranks," Logan replied sarcastically. 

"There are no drunks here," the brown-haired man behind the bar told them as they reached it. "At least not any rowdy ones. Kenneth, long time no see, cousin." 

"Eric. I've been busy," Psyche-Out said giving his cousin a hug. "Army and all." 

"Yeah, so what brings you to Niagara?" 

"A vacation. Eric, these are my friends and co-workers. We came out for a night of rest and relaxation." 

"Then you've chosen the right place. Jell-O shooter?" 

***** 

Jaye glanced over at the large, crowded table, recognizing a couple faces she'd seen in the gift shop. "What's up with that?" she asked Mahandra as her friend walked over and sat down next to her. 

"Eric's cousin and his friends. They're on vacation." 

"Who isn't in this town?" 

"Us and our families," was the glib reply as she slid a couple of shots over to her friend. "I wonder what the deal with the bear is." 

"What bear?" Jaye asked as she looked over at the loud table. Sure enough there was a teddy bear in army clothing sitting there. "This isn't good." 

"Are you still repressing the souls of inanimate objects?" 

"I'm not repressing. I just don't want to know what an army bear wants me to do…" she trailed off. "I'm going insane." 

"You're not insane. Just ask your shrink…that's right, he won't see you or your mother until you return the monkey statue you stole." 

"It told me to steal it! In a little British accented voice!" 

"What's the deal with the bear?" Mahandra asked Eric as the bartender walked over to them behind the bar. 

"I don't know. I think its owner is afraid one of the kids they're with will blow it away or something. Psyche-Out is a psychiatrist and I think most of his friends are kind of unbalanced." 

"A psychiatrist, huh?" the dark skinned woman repeated with a sly smile at Jaye. 

"Yeah. Do you wanna meet them?" 

***** 

"So you guys take care of mutant children?" Jaye asked two hours and many, many drinks later. 

"Yes we do," Low Light replied. "And it's not as easy as it sounds." 

"Shouldn't you guys be with them now?" Mahandra questioned as she walked up with a tray of drinks. 

"We're trying a little experiment, you see. We're trying to teach them responsibility," Roadblock explained. 

"Besides, if they burn the hotel down, it won't be the first time…we'll deal with it when we're sober," Shipwreck laughed. 

"That is so cool," Jaye grinned. 

"Right now I'm finding it very hard to care about the kids," Xavier hiccupped. "Liquor is wonderful." 

"Do you really think they'll burn the hotel down?" Ororo asked. 

"I don't know," Beach Head replied. "But I think that we may have more reason to believe that the Institute may be decimated by the triplets and many Jamie's." 

"That is a horrifying thought," Logan groaned. "I need another drink." 

"Make it a double," the other adults chorused. 

"Coming right up," Mahandra grinned heading toward the bar. 

"You know, you seem pretty open-minded about mutants," Cover Girl said to Jaye. 

"It's been my experience that human tourists are worse than even the worst mutant out there so…I just don't care if a person is a mutant. I mean, I may be clinically insane so mutants are the least of my problems." 

"Insane?" Psyche-Out questioned. 

"Yeah, or I may be repressing souls. It depends on who you ask." 

"Well, when we're sober maybe you'd want to talk about it," he offered. 

"I'll think about it," Jaye laughed before a look of confusion passed over her face upon seeing Sgt. Snuffles blink his eyes. She closed her eyes intending on ignoring the Army bear. "Oooh, drinks!" 

"Get used to them," the bear told her, repeating the words spoken earlier by the lizard. 

"I am used to them," she quietly hissed to the animal. "I've been used to drinks for a very long time. Ask the fish!" She gestured to the mounted fish on the wall by the bar. 

The bear rolled its eyes. "Steal me." 

"Not again," she quietly moaned. "I'm turning into a klepto!" 


	5. One for the Road

**Chapter Five: One for the Road**

"Steal me," Sgt. Snuffles repeated. 

"I'll steal a monkey statue from a shrink but I refuse to steal something from people who know how to use great big guns!" Jaye looked around with a bit of paranoia and was relieved to see that none of the others were paying a lick of attention to her hushed conversation with a teddy bear. 

"Steal me…" the bear repeated again, this time in a singsong voice. 

"No!" 

"_Hello, my baby, hello, my honey, hello, my ragtime gal. Send me a kiss by wire, baby, my hearts on fire…_" the bear began to sing. When in doubt, sing until the girl gives in. 

"I'm not going to fall for it this time," she groaned before downing a couple more shots. "I'm not listening." 

"_Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do. I'm half crazy, all for the love of you. It won't be a stylish marriage! I can't afford a carriage, but you'll look sweet, upon the seat, of a bicycle built for two…_" the bear continued singing. 

The singing went on for a couple more hours until Mahandra walked up to the full table of drunken people. "It's last call, guys. Time to finish the drinks and clear out. I've called cabs for everyone. They should be here soon." 

"Steal me! Steal me, steal me, steal me!" the bear intoned before launching into another song. "_Who's got a monkey? I've got one! Monkeys are a lot of fun! Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey! Who's got a monkey? I've got two! One for me, and one for you!_" 

Jaye finished her drink then sighed. She noticed that no one was paying attention to either her or the bear, intent on finishing their drinks and trying to stay vertical long enough to reach their hotel. "Fine! Just shut up!" She reached forward and roughly grabbed the bear and shoved him into her large purse. "Mahandra...I need one for the road," she told her friend. 

"Where's the bear?" she asked looking over at the table. "It didn't tell you to take it, did it?" 

"The bear wanted me to. I'll return him as soon as it tells me why it wanted me to steal it." 

"I think you need to consider that visit with Eric's cousin." 

"Am I going to get that drink or not?" 

**Okie dokie there. I just thought that I should include notes about the song. The first one is "Hello, My Baby" by the Andrew Sisters. The second is "A Bicycle Built for Two" by, I believe, Harry Dacre. And the last one is "The Monkey Song" by Tropp & Gaubbatz. I've never heard the song, only read the lyrics, but the full lyrics are hilarious. I'm sure I'll include them later on in the fic. If you can't wait, then you can check out LJConstantine.com and check out the "Taraspeak" section under "Monkey Song, The." On a side note, if anyone knows where I can find a sound clip or somewhere to buy the song, please let me know. I really want to hear a definite tune for the song instead of the one I made up.**


	6. Missing in Action

**Chapter Six: Missing in Action**

"What are you doing here?" Beach Head grouched after opening his eyes and seeing Carly lying on the hotel room's sofa. 

"Don't you remember?" Carly asked. "Jean kicked me out of our room. No one else would let me in so I waited outside this room until y'all got in from the bar at closing time. You let me sleep on the couch. How drunk did you get last night?" 

"Enough to know that you're too loud." 

"Don't yell at me because you were an idiot last night." 

"Will both of you just shut up?" Shipwreck whined from the other bed. "Some of us are trying to sleep over here!" 

"I hate to say it but I agree with him," Beach Head stated. "Go back to sleep." 

The hungover Joe reached his arm out to the other side of the bed intending on pulling Sgt. Snuffles to him, but encountered only air. He quickly sat up and began a frenzied search. "Where's Sgt. Snuffles? Where'd he go? What'd you do to him?" 

The other two occupants in the room watched him in amusement. 

"I don't know. I don't remember seeing him last night. And no one from my group came in here so don't you dare think of accusing us," Carly told him as she, too, began searching for the missing ball of fluff. 

"Where'd you last see the stupid bear?" Shipwreck asked. 

"At the bar!" 

"You took Snuffy to a bar?" Carly asked him as she stopped searching. "You took a teddy bear to a bar? And you didn't get beaten up?" 

"It was a civilized bar," the sailor answered. "There were no fights." 

"Well…what's the fun in that?" 

"Will you two just shut up and help me find my bear!?" Beach Head screamed. "Sgt. Snuffles, where are you? Sgt. Snuffles?" 

"He does know the bear isn't alive, right?" Shipwreck whispered to the teen girl. 

"I don't know. But I react the same way to Bean." 

"Do I want to know?" 

"My sock monkey. Beach Head got him for me on my birthday." 

"You both are insane." 

"Sgt. Snuffles? Don't leave me this way! Please come back!" 

"Maybe you forgot him at the bar?" Carly suggested. 

"What is going on in here?" Roadblock asked as he walked into the room. 

"Is Beach Head crying?" Ororo questioned in shock. 

"You know, I think he is," Shipwreck commented. 

"Sgt. Snuffles is MIA. We need to launch a search party," Beach Head said. "Due to the extreme danger of the mission, it will be by volunteer only. Unless no one will help me then it's mandatory!" 

"Beach Head, calm down. Getting worked up won't do any good," Psyche-Out said. "Take a few deep breaths. In and out, in and out…that's right." 

"Could he still be at the bar?" Carly asked again. "Maybe he's still there waiting for you." 

"All this fuss is over a bear?" Scott asked. He regretted asking the question as soon as it was out of his mouth. Carly pushed him up against the wall, hard. 

"Sgt. Snuffles is not just some ordinary bear. He is a part of this family and you will treat him with respect. Do you understand me, Sweetcheeks?" 

"Y-yes, ma'am," the taller teen stammered. 

"Good. Next time you disrespect one of my friends or family, I will make you regret it. And don't think I won't, I can be very creative when I want to be." She let him go then turned to everyone else with a dazzling smile. "Let's retrace his steps before we comb the city for Snuffy." 

"But he may have been kidnapped!" Beach Head sobbed. 

"Then someone will have to stay behind by the phone in case a ransom call comes in," Carly soothed. "Beach Head, that won't be you. We need you to come with us to retrace your steps. And you're a bit too emotional right now. Sweetcheeks will stay behind; he's good at that calm thing." 

"Stop calling me Sweetcheeks!" Scott snapped. 

"Fine. Scooter will stay behind; he's good at that calm thing. Usually." She turned back to her guardian. "Now think…where were you before you got back here?" 

"The cab," Beach Head answered. 

"Good. Someone…Lance, call the cab company and find out if Sgt. Snuffy was left in one of the cabs." 

"Yes, ma'am." 

"Where were you before the cab?" 

"The bar." 

"Which bar?" 

"The Barrel Bar." 

"Alright. So let's go check out the bar. And maybe they'll give him a shot to calm him down!" 

***** 

"Not in the cabs, huh?" Shipwreck said into the cell phone as the search party entered the bar. "Thanks for letting us know. No, he's still crying. It would be funny if it weren't so bizarre." 

"We're closed," Mahandra said to the familiar faces as she wiped down a couple of tables. 

"The doors weren't locked," Jean chirped. 

"Yes they were." 

"Yeah, I kind of picked the lock. Sorry about that," Carly apologized. "But this is important. As you can see, we have a man in distress here." 

"What's wrong with him?" Mahandra had a sneaking suspicion that she knew. 

"First, could you please give the man a drink? Something strong to calm him down? Thanks," Carly sighed. "You wouldn't happen to have seen a teddy bear in army garb, would you?" 

"I seem to remember something," Xavier said slowly. "I think that girl took the bear." 

"What girl?" 

"The one who was sitting with us…the one who thought she was insane." 

"Jaye?" Psyche-Out asked. "I think that was her name. Jaye took it?" 

"Hey, it's a lead," Carly groaned. "Let's go find her." 


	7. Just Following Orders

**Chapter Seven: Just Following Orders**

"Is this the place?" Beach Head asked anxiously. 

The search party—of which there were only a few left since only a few were still needed—had gone to Wonderfalls to see Jaye only to learn that she had the day off. They were able to get the assistant manager, Alec, to tell them where she lived and now they standing outside a trailer park. 

"You've reverted back to childhood, haven't you?" Carly grumbled as she looked up at one of the metal structures. The Joe was driving her—and everyone else—nuts. "This looks to be the place. Everyone cross your fingers." 

She held her breath as she loudly knocked on the door. 

***** 

"Fine, I stole you. Now tell me what you want," Jaye said as she stared down the stuffed bear. "I don't exactly want to get whacked by your owner. He's pretty big and he's in the army so I'm sure he knows how to use a gun." 

"Get used to them," the bear said with a freaky little smirk. 

"Get used to who?" the girl huffed. Her head snapped up as she heard the knock on the door followed by the voices she'd learned well the previous night. "I'm going to die." 

She walked over to the trailer door and opened it with a fair amount of apprehension. 

"What did you do with Sgt. Snuffles you bearnapper!?" Beach Head yelled. 

"On the table next to the monkey, lizard, smoosh-faced lion, and quarter," she answered honestly. "Don't shoot me. That'd be a crappy end to a bizarre life." 

"He's not going to shoot anyone," Xavier informed her. "We took away his gun." 

"The hell I'm not going to shoot her! She stole my bear!" Beach Head said. 

"I think we need to give him another sedative," Carly whispered to Psyche-Out. 

"It told me to! I was just following orders!" 

"And maybe some anti-psychotics." 

"What do you mean it told you to?" Psyche-Out asked her in fascination. "Have these voices talked to you long?" 

"Just a couple weeks. I told you, I may be insane," Jaye said retreating back into her trailer. "Come on in if you want." 

"How do these voices talk to you?" 

"Who cares, someone get me a gun!" 

"Shut up, you big baby," Carly ordered her guardian. 

"Through bears and monkeys and lizards and mounted fish," she answered. "I don't want to go to the loony bin." 

"Get used to them," Sgt. Snuffles choked out through the tight hold of his owner. 

"Will you stop saying that!?" Jaye burst out. "Get used to who?" She shifted her gaze to Beach Head. "I really hate your bear." 

"Do you think that this speaking to inanimate objects could be a mutant power?" Jean asked the Professor. 

"I wouldn't know, not without a few tests. But at this point, I'd have to say no." 

"What do these voices tell you?" Psyche-Out asked. 

"The first one told me not to refund a customer's money…I refunded it anyway and thirty seconds later she was mugged. Then I had to follow a quarter to a trashcan where I found her purse and I had to return it. I got punched for my troubles. I don't do kind acts. That's what happens when I do. Then the lion told me to make him a match but that got all messed up and we had to do an emergency tracheotomy and there were lesbians and that was just a weird situation. Then I had to write a magazine article for this girl who was trying to be me…that was after I got fired by the Mouth Breather and…you know what? I think that a trip to the loony bin might just be a good vacation for me. But knowing my luck a 'Hang in there, kitty' poster would tell me to cheer up the depressives." 

"Get—" 

"You shut up! Someone get me a gun, I need to blow up that bear. Better yet, you take him back and keep him as far away from me as possible." 

"What is he saying?" Beach Head asked, finally calming down a bit. 

"He keeps repeating, 'get used to them.' And I have no idea what he's talking about." 

"Are the voices always so vague?" Psyche-Out questioned. 

"Quite often, actually," she replied. "I think they're trying to make me a productive member of society. How else can you explain returning a purse, getting my sister a girlfriend, giving the poor EPS guy a girlfriend, and helping a girl with her career? They're trying to make me a very good person. I don't like it much myself. I like being detached. It bugs my family." 

"She's definitely not a mutant…she's just special," Jean mumbled. 

"Look into a mirror some time. If anyone here is _special_, it's you," Carly sniped. "Look, this has been…interesting, but I'm sure that Jaye—is it?—has something better to do than talk to us about the humanizing effects of inanimate animals." 

"She's right," Xavier said. "Thank you for returning the bear to us. I'm sorry that this has been such an…ordeal for all involved." 

"Yeah, I'm sorry I took the bear. But no harm no foul, right?" 

"I guess. Don't take him again," Beach Head pouted. 

"Sorry about him," Carly apologized. "Come on, you big baby. Leave her alone." She turned to Jean and Xi. "Is it just me or has Niagara somehow reversed the roles?" 

"What do you mean?" Xi asked. 

"We're all acting like adults while the adults…" she trailed off as they left the trailer and gestured to Beach Head who was grinning like Trinity seeing Jamie after a week's absence and to Shipwreck who was playing on a swing set a few trailers away. 

"They're all nuts," Jean groaned. 


	8. An Offer

**Hehehe…look at that. Roadblock actually rhymes in this one. More than once, too! Okay, one of them is a borderline rhyme, but I think it counts all the same.******

**Chapter Eight: An Offer…**

That night found the adults once again at the Barrel Bar (though this time Beach Head was smart enough to pay Carly to be Sgt. Snuffles' baby-sitter.) They kept casting glances over at the bar where the confused bearnapper was sitting with a beer. 

"I think she's interesting," Psyche-Out said. "Objects talk to her…and they don't tell her to maim or kill. It's quite progressive." 

"They told her to kidnap my bear…they're working up to maim and kill," Beach Head grumbled. 

"She needs professional help," Xavier said. "She hears voices." 

"Through inanimate objects that try to get her to help people. She's not insane," Psyche-Out responded. "She doesn't want to be a nice person so her subconscious speaks to her through animals to get her to do nice things. She's fascinating." 

"Assume that you're right, what was the nice thing in 'napping Sgt. Snuffles?" Logan asked. 

"I haven't quite figured that out yet. She said that the bear kept saying 'Get used to them.' Could that mean us?" the psychiatrist mused. "Didn't we need someone new on the Misfits staff?" 

"Not that I know of," Roadblock replied. 

"We could use a full-time teacher," Beach Head grudgingly pointed out. "I refuse to do another class with them. They're all nuts." 

"Do you think she'd be interested in teaching?" Psyche-Out asked. "She'd fit right in at the Pit." 

"What all can you tell us about Jaye?" Shipwreck asked Eric as he brought them another round. 

"Jaye? She's…unique," was the hesitant reply. "She's a great person. She has a degree in philosophy and helps a lot of people, though she doesn't like to admit it. She lives in a trailer park, works retail. Mahandra says that she gets a kick out of disappointing her family." 

"You're right, she'd definitely fit in," Roadblock agreed. 

"You're not really thinking what I think you're thinking, are you?" Beach Head asked. "She's a bearnapper!" 

"In her defense, she was ordered to by a sergeant. Do you really think she should disrespect a superior officer?" Cover Girl said with a grin. 

"You have a point," the ranger grudgingly said. 

"So, who's going to go ask her?" 

"I'll do it," Shipwreck volunteered readily. 

"I'll go with him," Roadblock said. "I don't trust him not to scare her off." 

"I think they're all growing nuttier every day," Xavier muttered to Logan and Ororo. 

***** 

"May we speak to you?" Roadblock said as he and Shipwreck sat down on either side of Jaye stool. 

"I'm not entirely sure that I have a choice, seeing as how I'm surrounded," she replied uneasily. "Look, I'm really sorry about stealing the bear, I—" 

"We're not here about the bear," Shipwreck interrupted. 

"For you we have a proposition," Roadblock said. "How would you feel about an employment position?" 

"Excuse me?" 

"How would you like to be a teacher for us?" Shipwreck explained. 

"A teacher? I don't know how to be a teacher. Why do you want me to be a teacher?" 

"We're a pretty laid back group, so to say," Roadblock said hesitantly. "After all, a group of mutants we do raise. A full-time teacher they do need, so consider saying yes I do plead." 

"You want me to be a teacher?" Jaye said again. She was stunned. 

"Look, there's a bunch of kids and it's hard for us adults to keep taking turns being teachers. It's hard on us and it's hard on them," Shipwreck told her. "We thought that if there was someone there to be the full-time teacher, things would be simpler all around. We thought of you because you don't seem to mind that the students are all mutants and you're used to strange things happening, so you'd just fit in well. 

"Please say yes to being a teacher," Roadblock said. "You will be paid and we'll make sure you get your privacy." 

"May I think it over?" the girl asked. "And give you my answer tomorrow or something?" 

"Of course you may," the black man replied as he slipped her the address of the hotel and his room number. "I ask your decision you do not delay." 

"This is just one weird, bizarre day," Jaye grumbled to herself as the two men went back to their table. 


	9. You Can't Refuse

**And, for everyone's benefits, and mine (since I was getting confused) here are the group breakdowns. There are four people to a room (well, except for group 2 and group 3 [which is split up into three rooms.])******

**Group 1: Lance, Peter, Todd, Xi, Althea, Kitty, Tabitha, and Adam (who was told to stay with the girls.)**   
**Group 2: Remy, Pietro, Scott, Bobby, Carly (who was kicked out of her room and has to sleep in Beach Head and Shipwreck's room,) Jean, and Amara**   
**Group 3: Fred, Kurt, Sam, Forge, Ray, Roberto, Wanda, and Rogue******

**Chapter Nine: …You Can't Refuse**

The next morning Jaye still hadn't been able to make a decision. It didn't help that the Muses wouldn't shut up. They were all chattering at the same time, all saying something different. At six in the morning (and on only a couple hours of sleep) she finally decided just to get up and leave her trailer. And that's how she ended up at her parents' house. 

She knocked on the door and looked at her father, who opened the door. "I was offered another job," she said as she walked through the door. 

"That's great!" Darrin grinned. "Where? What position?" 

"What are you talking about?" Karen, Jaye's mother, asked. "Were you promoted?" 

"No, I wasn't promoted," the brunette girl grumbled. "I was offered a teaching position by some very weird people." 

"They must be weird if they want you to work with them," Aaron, Jaye's older brother, smirked. 

"Or they're psychos," Sharon, Jaye's older sister, replied. 

"You don't have a teaching degree," Darrin pointed out. "Are you going back to college?" 

"They said I don't need one for this school. It's a very relaxed institute," Jaye said, deciding not to get into the part about the army and mutants. "It's a government institution, so it's legal." 

"Are you sure they just don't want to kidnap you?" Sharon asked. 

"Why would the government kidnap me? What could I—or any of us—possibly have to offer them?" She was beginning to think it was a bad idea to come talk to her family. If she _was_ insane, she most likely inherited it from them. 

"Is your boss going to be another high school boy?" Karen questioned. 

"Well…I'm going to be teaching high school kids, but I don't think they're going to be my boss. My boss is the government." 

"A government job," Darrin mused. "I'm so proud. Maybe you could show them a few of my songs..." 

"Dad, no! That would be a sure way to get her fired," Sharon said. 

"Maybe, if I decide to take the job, I could eventually show them a few. But not until I'm situated in the position…" Jaye said. Her father's songs were, as Sharon had said, a sure way to get her fired. Who ever heard of an angry republican novelty song being a hit? For that matter, whoever heard of an angry republican novelty song? "But I'm not even sure if I'm going to accept the offer." 

"Why do they want you?" Aaron asked. "You seem more than a little under qualified." 

"Why wouldn't they want me? I'm as good as anybody else!" 

"You scare tourists with your surly attitude," Karen pointed out. 

"Only if they waste my time!" she defended herself. "You know what, I think I'm going to go back home and think about the offer some more. Thanks for all your help." 

***** 

"Rumor has it that we may be getting a new teacher," Pietro said to Lance as his group walked up to theirs at the Falls. 

"Really? Who?" Lance asked. 

"The chick that nabbed the bear," Carly answered as she stared at the falls. "Didn't a lot of people commit suicide here in the eighties?" 

"Yeah. Jaye—I think her name was Jaye—said that it was, like, surprisingly good for business," Kitty replied. "How did you know that?" 

"Court TV, Crime Library dot com…I'm a twisted little feline," the feral answered. "You guys do know about the big group dinner tonight, right?" 

"What group dinner?" Peter asked. 

"Apparently, the 'grown-ups' want us all to spend the night together at dinner to check up on our progress and to talk over all that we've done so far…just one big ol' family bonding thing," Adam replied. "I think they're taking us to the restaurant portion of the Barrel Bar." 

"Surprise, surprise…a bar," Carly said wryly. 

"What about a bar?" Kurt asked as group three came up to groups one and two. 

"We're all going out to dinner tonight," Jean informed him. "I think the only reason we even know so soon is because of Carly." 

"Why do you know?" Fred asked the feral. 

"Didn't you hear? I was kicked out of my room." 

"How did you get kicked out? What did you do?" Sam asked. 

"Ask Jean, I still don't know," Carly replied. "Don't you—that's right, I skipped your guys' room. All the way on the other side of the hotel. It was cold and I wasn't going to walk the distance." 

"I wouldn't have kicked you out if you had just behaved yourself and stopped hitting on my boyfriend!" Jean snapped. 

"I do not hit on Sweetcheeks!" Carly snapped back. 

"Will you stop calling me that!?" 

"Then why do you keep calling him Sweetcheeks?" 

"Because it drives the two of you nuts!" the feral laughed. 

Jaye watched the teenagers from the entrance of Wonderfalls. "They're all nuts." 

***** 

"So has everyone been behaving thus far?" Xavier asked that night at dinner. 

"Well, we have, but I'm not too sure about all of you," Todd grinned in reply. "Going to a bar three nights in a row?" 

"Hey! We're on vacation, too, you know," Shipwreck informed him. 

"Is it true we may be getting a new teacher?" Sam asked. 

"Not you, the Misfits," Roadblock answered. "We got to her first." 

"Speak of the devil," Psyche-Out said, gesturing to Jaye who had just walked in the door. 

She spotted them and made her way to their table. "Before I give my decision, I just have one question." 

"And what's that?" Shipwreck asked. 

"Can I bring my car and my trailer?" 


	10. What is Normal?

**Well, here we go. The final chapter. I'm sure I'll be coming out with something new soon, so keep an eye out on that. Oh, and if anyone wants to watch _Wonderfalls_ this week it's on Thursday night after _Tru Calling_. I highly recommend _Wonderfalls_; it's a great show. Last week they had an existentialist monologue on cheese. The week before that a Single White Female and the first week they had an emergency tracheotomy with a pen. It was quite amusing.******

**Chapter Ten: What is Normal?**

Jaye slowly opened her eyes after waking up to see the walls of her bedroom in her trailer. A smile passed over her face as she realized that the Muses had actually allowed her to sleep through the night. Then she scowled as she realized that the sound that had awoken her was a tapping sound on her trailer door. 

"Who is it?" she called out as she slowly climbed out of her bed. She still couldn't believe they said she could bring her car and trailer with her. 

"We came to say good morning on your first day at the Pit!" Todd called happily through the door. 

"We brought you breakfast!" Fred continued. 

Jaye rolled her eyes and opened the door. "Come on in." 

"Wow!" Adam said in awe as the teens entered the trailer. "It looks like Jeannie's bottle!" 

"But not as big," Jaye replied. 

"Don't worry about the breakfast," Carly said. "They didn't cook it so you won't get food poisoning like I did. They can't cook." 

"We can too!" Todd said with a pout. 

"No, you really can't. Wish you could, but you can't." 

"Hey! No fighting in the trailer!" the adult teacher said. "All fights are to be taken outside and far away from my little space." 

"We're not going to fight," Althea assured her. "You know how some people just aren't themselves until they've had their morning coffee? We aren't ourselves unless at least two of us have a morning argument. Here's your coffee." 

"Are you sure you guys haven't done anything to this?" 

"On our lives, we haven't done anything to the food or coffee," they chorused as the majority of them picked up the rest of the coffee cups. 

"Why aren't you drinking any?" Jaye asked Carly suspiciously as she took a drink of the dark liquid. "Hmm, strong but not bad." 

"I'm not a coffee person," the feral replied. "For me, it's much more potent." 

"That makes sense…" she trailed off as she noticed a few of the guys' eyes getting all weird. "What's happening to them?" 

"Oh, I think they got into B.A.'s special coffee," Carly groaned. 

***** 

"I think I know now why you wanted me to take this job," Jaye said as she looked at the items she had on her new desk. "You wanted to drive me insane. And these people on caffeine high is the surest, fastest way to drive a person insane. 

"I mean, how am I going to teach anything to some kids who aren't entirely back down on earth yet?" 

"Very creatively," Roadblock said as he and a couple other Joes herded the kids into the classroom. "We have the utmost of faith in you. If there's an emergency, hit the red button on the desk. Good luck." 

"Thanks," Jaye replied in a weak voice. "Well, let's get started now, shall we?" She looked around at the frenetic kids. "Okay, are we going to have to go through this every day? Is this normal?" 

"What is normal?" Carly replied. "On this base, there is no normal. Everything's just weird. But no, they don't get into B.A.'s coffee every day. Generally only once a month, though, apparently, there are times when they do get into more often. But those are usually days when it's very cold." 

"Hey everybody! Let's sing 'The Monkey Song!'" Adam called out. 

"Oh no!" Jaye groaned, tears coming to her eyes. "Not again!" 

"_Who's got a monkey? I've got one! Monkeys are a lot of fun!_" Adam began singing with the first verse. 

"_Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey!_" the others—including the smoosh-faced lion, monkey statue, and lizard—all sang in chorus. 

"_Who's got a monkey? I've got two! One for me, and one for you!_" Pietro continued. 

"_Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey!_" again with the refrain. 

Then it was Fred's turn for a solo. "_Who's got a monkey? I've got three! Drag them down off the tree!_" 

"_Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey!_" 

Jaye couldn't believe what she was seeing. Nine mutant teens singing and dancing around, a few of them more than just a little animated. 

"_Who's got a monkey? I've got four! Bash their heads into the floor!_" 

"Apparently Xi has also had a few Chips Ahoy!" Carly snickered before she chimed in on the chorus. 

"_Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey!_" 

"_Who's got a monkey? I've got five! Four are dead…but one's alive!_" Todd sang. 

"_Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey!_" 

"_Who's got a monkey? I've got six! Mark their graves with little sticks,_" Althea continued. 

"_Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey!_" 

Carly took her turn next. "_Who's got a monkey? I've got seven! All good monkeys go to heaven._" 

"_Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey!_" 

"_Who's got a monkey? I've got eight! WHO ARE YOU TO QUESTION FATE?_" Lance sang for his turn. 

"_Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey!_" they all sang. "_Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey!_" 

"_Who's got a monkey? I've got nine! I'm feeling good…I'm feeling fine…_" Wanda continued. 

"_Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey!_" 

"If you can't fight 'em, join 'em," Jaye grumbled to herself. "_Who's got a monkey? I've got ten! Don't make me sing this song again._" 

"Yep, she definitely fits in here," Psyche-Out said with a happy smile as he and Shipwreck checked up on the class. 

"One more time!" Shipwreck called out as he began the song over again. 


End file.
